1. Conversate

Did you ever feel like you were different?. Maybe you are, you just never had enough courage to make something out of it. In todays society people are forced to fear taking the leap upwards, either because they are scared of failing and being worse than they already are, or someone in a higher position simply tells them that they are not fit for the job.


Sitting at the moment in an Asian Imbiss, having ordered my spring rolls and noodles, I look around, Vietnamese people working the woks, Germans and Turks sitting slurping on their soups. I choose to sit around in particularly expensive restaurants/cafes because only then you see the contrast for what it is between the lower, middle, and first class, and sometimes even jumping the gap straight to the first class, it’s quite interesting to see the interaction from both sides ie the people in the lower class interacting with the higher and vice versa.


Next thing a Turkish drunkard walks into the imbiss, as he approaches the cashier to place his order the Steward already brought him out a chilled beer, justifying he had been here more than enough times just on this occasion. Surprisingly, he is a drunkard who still doesn’t give in to the truth. He dresses in an old suit, tie, every morning, just to come a block down for his daily couple of bottles of beer ( okay sometimes maybe near to half a dozen). As I dig into my fried noodles, I ponder upon the thought of how a person reaches such a position in the society. As many of us have the same thought, we assure ourselves that no matter what we do we would never turn out to become something like this, be it a drunkard or a homeless person, but think for a second, did these people ever bring this upon themselves on purpose? Most of them actually had nearly the same education as you. It’s the same way as when you were little, probably seeing your parents or older acquaintances have a cigarette or drink, and you told yourself that you would never even try it, not even once… but as the time passes you tend to tolerate more, assuring to yourself that back then you were too naïve and there’s nothing wrong because everyone else is doing it, but is it actually so?


When I remember moments and events in my childhood I often say to myself that I was brought up as the perfect kid, meaning my mother did a wonderful job, although I just notice this now as it has entered the past phase. As a kid I always said my prayers to whoever was listening, almost every Sunday we would be present at church and any special event they used to be hosting during the week. This has little to do with religion as at the moment I have little or completely no empathy towards it, it’s about morals, respect and discipline. Things that fade more and more into the abyss after every next generation. Somewhere we have failed, as an organized society and even as a specie. Things around us get better, easier and more convenient, but us ourselves get even more and more degraded after each offspring that marks the next generation.


While this story has nearly no baseline or skeleton, few may understand the purpose, but what does a conversation actually sound like these days? With whom do you actually have a real deep hearted conversation these days? With your friends you barely speak about anything important, and with your loved one you barely speak about your plans that does not involve him/her, your mother? You fear that her understanding of your thoughts is to her own purposes of criticizing while your thoughts are merely the reflection of what you actually want to mean, and reflections get lost in ripples, which is why people can barely accurately judge a man upon what he is saying during the period at which he is most vulnerable, big talks.


My mother always had a problem with me because I was always so quiet and never utilized small talk, I myself noticed this about myself and even when I tried to talk about something without having a particular aim, it never worked out, either it was something really stupid or it was a two-response conversation. As I turned 17-18 I began checking for symptoms of introversy but that wasn’t the case as I found that I communicated with my best buddies and close relatives quite freely and sometimes even about silly things that don’t even count as small talk but no talk at all. I always thought about it but noticed that once I started considering it as a problem I felt myself insecure and well, criticizing , which I hated, so I never tried to fix it.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t like it, I mean it had its advantages but the rest of the time It was crucial because people had the wrong impression of me at the first exchange of words. The thing that stopped me, and perhaps many others that would have this problem of small talk is that the people who would receive my thoughts into their minds don’t really care about it. I always thought about the fact that everyone always does things for their own greedy purpose. So why waste time making someone’s else mind filled with small thoughts about silly things when you can easily dispose of them, not even leaving them for you to ponder upon. Our brain is the most complex thing on earth but it is also as incompetent as ever, especially when you feed it what it doesn’t desire along with what it does.


People sometimes say that small talk is important just to see the reaction of a person especially when you are meeting them for the first time, this is true but only to some extent because based upon the questions you place during the conversation, the other party actually gets to know you at a much faster rate and could have studied you when you were just setting up to begin your study about him/her. Put it in this scenario where you ask complex questions that should purposely build up a conversation but the person simply answered in one word statements such as the Yes/No. The structure and formation of your questions combined has given him/her much more information to use towards you and all you have noticed is that he/her is an ignorant fuck.

%d bloggers like this: